My inner ear itches. Bronchitis is the worrrrst. I've discovered being sick is the most boring thing ever. There's nothing to do but watch movies and read, and that just puts me to sleep.

However, I watched The Secret Life of Bees yesterday. SO SO SO good. I'm going to read the book. I have a long reading list for myself this summer already. I should finish Huck Finn for english so I can get started.
-White Oleander
-Breaking Dawn
-Prep
-The Secret Life of Bees
-Revolutionary Road
-The Reader
-P.S. I Love You (I guess I'm really into books made into movies?)
-and I'd really like to fit in a Sarah Dessen novel or two, and whatever book WSU assigns us for the Freshman Common Reading this summer.

Too bad summer will be so short, considering I leave for school August 16 :(

I had a dream last night that it was prom and we were riding trains to get there because it was in Bordeaux, France. Preston Albertine was my date. About halfway through I realized I had no prom dress so I bought a costume dress on one of the trains. I saw Kristine later and she had to pretend to like it. Also, for some reason Preston was about 3 feet taller than normal, and of course because he was taller he was proportionally wider, and there was no room for me on the seat. Savannah's hair was huge, too.

There was another part where my "mom" (she kept changing) and I were in this house with this old lady and trying to collect these "clues" to prove she was bad or something. For some reason it reminded me of Miss Havisham from Great Expectations, only I never saw the old lady and the house was completely lit. I think it was just the creepy aspect of it.

Kind of a crazy dream last night, I guess. I don't remember all the details but here it goes anyway.

It was the day of graduation so my friends and I are frantically rushing to get there so we can pick up our robes. For some reason graduation was in Mr. Parker's backyard and he also had this Old West-style building (where all the shops are just kind of connected with a big porch all the way down) where we could get souvenirs and our robes and food. So Katie and I are the only two without our robes so we tell the rest of the group we'll meet them there. So we go into the shop where we've been told our robes are and the guy hasn't even made them yet! So he grabs this big hollow egg-shaped piece of wood and cuts off the bottom and cuts it down the middle so it opens like a cape and paints it and gives it to me, then makes Katie's. Of course we're freaking out because grad gowns should not be wood. So we go outside and Tim Clark is out there with a wood one and he's like, "just go two doors down, they've got real ones." So we go there, but its the bathroom door and Johnny Mandella comes running up and tells me to meet him inside. So I run in and I assume Johnny is in the last stall, so I go in there but he's invisible. And there's two doors on the stall so some guy opens the other door right in front of the toilet so that I can't see him and pees and I'm like "Sorry Johnny!" Then the guy informs me that Johnny is not invisible or present and I feel stupid and start to leave. Sarah Nilsen is at the mirror and I ask if she's seen Johnny, she says no, and I go into a stream of "What the fuck, goddamn motherfucker..." and leave. I go outside and its POURING rain and I remember thinking "But its June, so it should be sunny" and I tried to will it to be sunny (Me, not the dream-me) but it didn't work. So much for lucid dreaming. Oh well. So I start freaking out because apparently we're supposed to be up on stage and I didn't know how I'd get into place without being noticed, and then my parents arrive late and I got pissed.
Then it switches and I'm getting dropped off at my dorm my my mom with a couple boxes and I meet my roommate who is an upper-classman and a total bitch. And her friend is over and it was really awkward. Then I realize I had forgotten almost all my stuff. I had only brought one box of clothes and it was all over-sized tee shirts and sweats plus a box of magazines. No books, no cosmetics, no regular clothes. And I flipped out and cried and called my mom and complained about everything. Then I get over it and go to the bathroom (which was co-ed? Confusing, because I was living in a single-gender dorm) and Brent Generous is in there and I look at him and go "Do you ever get the feeling like 'What the hell am I even doing here?'" And he agrees and we have this long conversation about college even though we've been there for like 3 hours. And he's going to Western I think.

Anyway, it was not a happy dream. It was really stressful and makes me worried for college/graduation. :(

Today Kristen and I decided to make a list of all the guys who have ever liked us. On the surface it sounds a little self-absorbed but there's a reason to our madness. This weird kid at work is planning on asking me to prom tonight (I'm not friends with him, we rarely talk, I'm saying no) and Kristen and I were talking about how weird guys always like me. So I chose to make an all-inclusive list. I didn't think it would be so long! Good lord. There are 28 guys on the list (the list dates back to 5th grade).
So in the past 8 years, 28 guys have liked me. There were 28 opportunities for dating, a serious relationship, a first kiss, slapping a guy across the face (that is one of my goals, to slap a guy across the face), etc. And I dated two of them, neither for more than a week.
Does this make me picky? I'm trying to understand what's going on. Now, granted, some of these guys are/were real weirdos. A few of them turned out to be HUGE jerks. But not all of them. I do this a lot where I sit around and asking "why?" about things that have come and gone. But I generally push it aside coming to the (unreasonable) conclusion of, I suck. But that's not right. I'm going to think about this, and I'll let you know if I come up with anything.

While going through my MySpace inbox (which dates all the way back to sophomore year because I NEVER delete messages) I came upon one (of many) replies to one (of MANY) bulletins I posted. For those who don't recall, I was a bulletin whore for a while. I broke that habit. Anyway, I found this one and it made me think about all the small memories that we just forget about and also, how I'll probably miss high school more than I think.

best weekend everrrrr.
easy track practice.
chilling on the turf afterwards with some of my favorite people.
hiding savannah while she changes in david's car.
then going to the empty locker room with van and kristen and walking around in our bras.
walking with our shitload of stuff up to the hub.
and being the first ones there.
and laughing hysterically at everything.
all of us eating an entire panther burger (which i honestly didn't think was that big).
and that nice waitress who kept saying "very good."
"BEASTLY."
and walking to blockbuster and laughing at all the stupid movie titles.
then getting my entire box of notes just to find the funny one from justin that wasn't even in there.
and reading the ones kristen had.
and laughing about what a stupid he was.
laying on savannah's bed for an hour laughing hysterically.
seriously i haven't laughed so long in forever.
"BEASTLY."
FINALLY getting that hideous color off my nails while chilling in the giant bathtub in van's basement.
eating ice cream and making fun of sharpay while watching high school musical.
and DROOLING over the hotness of zac efron and corbin bleu.
OH BABY.
then kristen falling asleep with her feet by my head and me avoiding her kicking me.
then talking about cute boys with savannah with the lights off and accidentally kicking her in the face.
"BEASTLY."
then waking up when its was STILL DARK out to go to lords hill.
and them taking the blankets away from me.
and the lights blinding me.
and eating cereal.
and running at lords hill singing songs with more of my favorite people.
and then having to clean.
which really wasn't that fun but oh well.
"BEASTLY."
and waiting forever for kristen's mom to come.
then taking off pretty much everything we were wearing because we couldn't get the car muddy.
then FINALLY going to the bathroom when i got to savannah's.
then going home and EATING.
and then accidentally taking a 3-hour nap instead of writing my paper.
and tonight i'm going to kristine's to watch movies and eat ice cream and it'll be GREAT.

i feel SPECTACULAR.

I also found a conversation with Kyle Strumbeta about the fake profile Taylor made. She made this fake profile of this "hot guy" and left comments for herself and some of her friends on it. It was weird, but so funny when everyone found out it was fake.

Also, apparently Savannah, Kristen and I were supposed to sleep at Cathcart and go running in the middle of the night. I forgot about that.

Savannah, you reminded me of how bad I want to go shopping. (Not that I'm blaming you for anything.)
It makes me so sad that I can't spend my money on clothes without feeling guilty. I reeeally need to save up for college. BUT I finally broke the $2,000 mark in my savings account today for the first time since Europe :)
Still, I can't use any of that money or my parents would flip a bitch (I love that term and I don't know why because its really dumb.) I want sweaters. And jeans. And tee shirts that fit perfectly. And flowy tops. And a short sleeve jacket. AND FLATS OMG. And cute boots. And dresses.

I hate how materialistic I sound, but I just LOVE clothes.
Especially spring clothes. It truly is the best season, especially in terms of fashion.

For my birthday the only thing I am asking for is money for clothes. And possibly a new purse.


AHHHH EXACTLY TWO WEEKS UNTIL I TURN 18! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE:]

Totally got a boy's number tonight. A really cute boy. Who plays guitar and writes songs and is a Christian and really funny.

Yeeeee :]
I never get boy's numbers, but this just totally made my night. My week. Bah, it put me in such a great mood.

I have some crazy hick songs stuck in my head last night.

I posted a private post today, that I'll unlock at a later point.

However, I had this crazy dream last night that I thought was worth recording. I dreamed that I got home and it was nighttime and my parents weren't home. I saw my sister sitting at the kitchen counter, and she put her finger to her mouth to motion for me to be quiet and pointed over her shoulder. I looked over and where the kitchen area opens into the family room there was a large leather chair. Looking closer there was a woman sitting in the chair kind of sleeping and watching TV on mute. I looked back at my sister in shock for an explanation when she lifted her pant leg and pointed at her calf. There were giant shreds of skin missing, but she wasn't bleeding. Then she pointed at the china cabinet where I found a cheese grater with nasty leftover cheese on it all covered in plastic, but somehow I knew that she had grated my sister's leg. (SICK.) So I went into the fridge and checked the cheese but it wasn't opened. And then it hit me, and I yell out "Oh my gosh!" and the creepy lady wakes up and grabs the cheese grater and grates my leg but it doesn't hurt or bleed and then she eats my skin. (SICK.) And then she goes back to her chair. After that I somehow managed to call the cops and they took like half an hour to get to my house and she got taken away.

It was freaky and weird, but I wasn't scared.

Well, what I'm going to do will confuse some people, frustrate others, cause some to roll their eyes and hurt one person very very much. When I put it like that, it sounds like I probably shouldn't do it, but however other people see it, it is what is best for me. And so it must be done.

"Well all I really wanna do is love you
A kind much closer than friends use
But I still can't say it after all we've been through"

I officially have a boyfriend.

Its a little weird actually. I don't know. I'll post in a few days when I have more to say in the matter. I think I'm just in shock right now. It happened rather quickly.